So a week ago I posted about trusting the process and can I just say how great and fast God works when you really cry out to Him! You see after I posted that blog, that night I spent in prayer just asking God to allow me to hear back about this position I been praying for, if it His will. The next afternoon I checked my email, and there was a email from the hospital I been waiting to hear from about scheduling a interview with me for this position. I screamed with excitement! LIKE WOW, MY GOD IS SO GREAT! So I responded to the email and set up a date and time for my interview: Tuesday at 1pm.
Fast forward to last night: Monday, 9pm.
I spent my entire day learning all there is to prepare for this interview. I watched videos, read a whole list of interview tips and reviewed my knowledge of the hospital but i still felt this overwhelming fear. I decided it was time to spend before God, but in the middle of my time to pray I kept getting distracted! I had my phone on do not disturb, in my bedroom alone, I thought I was just going to spend my one on one time with God but nope, my head was EVERYWHERE but God. I began to just become angry with myself. Why is it that I was lacking the passion to devote my full focus on God, in prayer? I started to cry because I just couldn’t understand how I could do this.. so I decided to call up my good friend, Karen. She listened to me cry and vent about all my frustrations and then she said something so funny but yet so real that I can’t help but share with you all.
“This time you’re experiencing is like having a baby..When you are in labor, you continue to push because you know the ending will be beautiful but it’s painful! But you got to refuse to settle and take the epidural, because in order for you to experience the beauty in the end, you have to go through the pain of the push! Your child is your future and in this current process it’s so hard but you have to push through it in order to receive the beautiful gift in the end. There is beauty in the pain.”
As silly of an analogy that statement is, it really made complete sense to me. I began to cry because in that moment I realized how great God’s love is for me. We ended our conversation with a prayer, and I cried even more. I was a bit emotional-but sometimes God really just really breaks your heart. She just happened to speak into everything i was feeling as if God was telling her the words to just impact me. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace just all over my body in that moment. It was like God just took over.
‘Cast all your anxiety on Him because He care for you.’ -1 Peter 5:7
I ended my night stumbling upon the song “Shepherd” by Amanda Cook and I felt like God was continuing to just remind me that he hasn’t forsaken me in this time. God is continually by my side, and has never left my side! I realized it just took time in His presence to actually listen and hear him out for me to reach the sense of peace.
This morning, The day of my interview, I woke up at ease. I believe that the peace I was feeling was only through God. I decided to listen to a sermon and just pray before I answered the call for my interview. I believe that God was truly with me in my words. It was like He just placed this confidence in my spirits.
I don’t know if I made the cut, I don’t know if I will hear back for the second round of interviews, but I do know that God is in control. It is all up to Him and if it is His plan, I hope that I hear back. Something I learned today from the sermon was that I needed to fix my focus, its not about the findings, its the becoming! The word of God says “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”(Matthew 6:34) I can’t just allow myself to sit here and worry about whats ahead, I need to shift my focus onto bettering myself each day and magnifying God in order to receive the ultimate joy.
I ask you continue to keep me in your prayers as I strive on, but also to just remind yourself that there is beauty in the pain you’re going through. Shift your focus to seeing the end goal rather than the current hardship.
stay strong in faith,