For the last 4 months, I have been extremely hopeful, believing that if I waited patiently enough the door was going to open and it would be the job I been praying for at a hospital I fell in love with since the moment I heard about it. Although I applied to numerous jobs at other hospitals and health centers in my current location and cities near me, I had all my hopes invested in this opportunity opening up with this position I felt was mine.
Today, however, I found out that the position was not mine. From the moment I got the news, I tried my best to stay positive but I could not help but feel disqualified and defeated all over again. I was under the impression for months that God had been crafting me for this job, so why didn’t it work out?! I spent a good portion of my day crying and talking to some amazing people God planted in my life, and they provided me with their best advice and encouragement and although I wanted to believe it, I still was upset. To make the day worse, after beginning to feel better after a while, I got an email from another job I applied for saying they decided to go with another candidate. I opened the email and laughed, but then the laughing became a ugly cry of frustration.
I decided I needed to just talk to God and let him know my frustration and as I spent time in his presence, he decided to give me a wake-up call. I’m a strong believer that God has a reason for everything and although I am unaware of why this didn’t work I think this closed door is prepping me to step toward the path leading to the right door, the one God has intended to open for me. This job was something I wanted, but the true perfect spot for me isn’t what I want, its what GOD wants for me.
God is never going to fail me, His promise over my life still stands. He told me that He is about to open doors in my life in November and the thing is, I was believing that was with the job position. But today, I’m realizing maybe the doors he is opening starts with me allowing Him to completely take control of my life first. Less of me and more of Him.
My friend, Lyndsey, sent me this song, “Do It Again – Elevation Worship” (click title to listen) a month ago but tonight when I spent time in worship I listened to the lyrics, and it was just so fitting to my current day.
“Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet
I’ve seen You move, You move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again”
Tonight, I was forced to question myself with the most important question, ‘Am I putting God first?‘ My promise verse last year was one that I took with me until I graduated, I even wrote it on my graduation cap, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”- Proverbs 3:5-6 See, I was trusting God but my problem was I was leaning on my own understanding, in what I WANTED, I wasn’t putting God first to take control. God needs to be my number one priority, not the last person I go to with my problem.
This week I’m challenging you with the same challenge I am giving myself, spend more time with God. That means not trying to work Him into my schedule but waking up and praying; talking to Him before I check the notifications on my phone. It means talking and listening to Him between my day. The truth is, when we trust in God and spend our day with Him being first, we are given a peaceful spirit. Prayer does not have to be this overly crafted thing with all the perfect words to impress God, trust me, He isn’t grading your prayers and critiquing them like your English professor. It’s connecting with Him, coming as we are, desperate, and finding restoration in His presence. Talk to Him, He can’t wait to hear from you.
love Him as He loves You,