It’s been over a month since I last posted and in this last month every time I started up a post, I would delete it in fear of exposing my feelings. I’ve gone through a mix of emotions from feeling encouraged by friends; to continue pushing through life, to a sadness that felt like depression; where I didn’t even want to get out of bed and face the day being I felt like it was just going to be another day of disappointment. To publicly admit that in its self is hard. I choose to be vulnerable today and speak out on this because although many don’t want to face the fact that it is completely normal to be down sometimes. Depression is something I feel like most people don’t speak up about because it’s seen as an illness that continues to bring a person down by negative thoughts built up. This feeling of being alone is so tough that often times you don’t even want to talk about it when the symptoms are so clear because of the ridicule you can face by publicly allowing others to know that you are in this deep emotional state.
In the last week, I have come to learn how deeply I can be affected by my own emotions because they can make you extremely fragile, but it is in that reality that I discovered how God is the only solution to bring me peace. It isn’t until you realize that there’s nothing you can do to qualify or disqualify you from the love of God that you really experience his love and learn to love yourself. Even in the midst of the dark times when it hurts like hell and not even the words your friends say can console you, God is there. My hardest battle in this time was to remain in faith and stay positive but I have learned that the even in my little efforts, God is beside me. What seems like failed attempts to me is what He finds joy in because of the continuous effort to better my walk.
Funny enough last week in the midst of a rough day I decided to clean my room and blast my music. The first song that played was the song “Keep Your Head Up” by Andy Grammer. The lyrics of the song goes, “I’m seeing all the angles, starts to get tangled/ I start to compromise/ My life and the purpose/ Is it all worth it, Am I gonna turn out fine?/ Oh, you’ll turn out fine/ Fine, oh, you’ll turn out fine/But you gotta keep your head up, oh/ And you can let your hair down, eh/You gotta keep your head up” I couldn’t help but laugh at how yet again I was reminded that I will be fine. God may fail our expectations sometimes, but he never fails us.
So to whoever you are, whatever you’re battling, today I want to remind you that is you are not alone, I am here with you. I know it’s not easy. I know that there are times when you just want to give up and stop trying, today I want you to be reminded that sometimes it isn’t about trying, it’s about trusting.
Keep your head up, and when times get hard, talk to God.
-J
Perfectly Imperfect 